Sunday, May 25, 2008

Letters to J.Crew

Dear J.Crew,
I really like you. I think about you all the time when you're not here. Sometimes I go to your site and just imagine what it would be like if I could afford everything you have. I would be preppy as hell, and it would rule. But yesterday, J, I was looking at your offerings for the menfolk after seeing an amazing sweatervest, and I have to say that I suddenly got the feeling you've changed. Maybe not changed as much as taken your signature prep-tastic style to new levels.

Ugly levels. I was really surprised that you would be seen leaving the house in paisley or insane patchwork pants. I'm too angry with you to talk about the madras slacks right now. Listen to me, J.Crew: it's okay to wear crazy patterned pajama bottoms. But these? These are not for sleeping. I had hope that they were, but I'm pretty certain that you don't sleep in a collared shirt, a belt, a tie, or any combination of the three. You're a yuppie. I get it. I hated the madras shorts, but they meant a lot to you, and I let it go. You are a yuppie and you like to charge $158 and $98 (respectively) for really horrible-looking things because you can. You like to say "Haha, peasants! You have to spend your money on practical clothing that doesn't look like quasi-nautical throw-up." But it isn't right. You are better-looking than this. I loved you. I trusted you to be reliably country club chic. You have failed me. I don't know if I'm going to get over this.


P.S. The shoes in the first outfit look like those crappy slippers that everyone's dad seems to have had since the day he was born. Not cool.

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