Monday, December 21, 2009

Top Ten Weird and Dorky As Seen On TV Gifts

With only three shopping days left until Christmas, maybe you need some quick ideas for those last few gifts for Crazy Uncle Ted. Luckily, I've got your back, with the help of some products that only a mother who looks like Billy Mays could love.

10. Snuggie


Also known as a What the Fuck Blanket, a Snuggie is basically just a backwards bathrobe, except you also get to... honestly, I don't know. I've heard they're pretty warm, but yeah, so is a bathrobe. I have a friend who wore a Snuggie to class once. That's because he was in a skit. And his role was Homeless Wizard. Still want one?

9. Century of Dimes Coin Collection

Want a whole bunch of old dimes? Didn't think so. But wait! It's includes the 2000 Dime (yes, it's capitalized on the website)! You totally couldn't just find one of those in your purse!

8. The BeDazzler


I had to include this one because it's a classic. With the bedazzler, you can take any piece of clothing and add rhinestones to it. A lot of rhinestones. And sequins! Think of the possibilities, you guys: you can make your own Bebe knockoffs and create your very own gem sweater lady Halloween costume.

7. Barry Manilow DVD Set

I saw this on the As Seen on TV website and just couldn't resist adding it to the list. This collection is made up of 5 whole CDs of Barry Manilow songs, most of which are not Copacabana. Other reasons you should buy? You can save $5 and get free shipping on an Irish Tenors CD. So if you know someone who loves Barry Manilow and watches more than their share of PBS (perhaps they even have a tote bag to prove it), you might want to snap these babies up.

6. ShamWow

Look at how that "real time" Cola bit is totally in real time! I mean, you can't even tell they moved the piece of rug to a spot that was already dry! In the words of my boyfriend's father, who actually purchased one: "It's a piece of shit."

5. Roll-Up Piano

Yes, a flexible piano that rolls up so you can take it anywhere. This would be a great gift for a mother, except if you play piano, do not, I repeat, do not get this for your mother. The next time you're at Aunt Phyllis's house and your mom wants you to play that Mozart piece you learned, you'll regret it. "But there's no piano here!" you'll say in relief. Oh, but the roll-up piano goes everywhere.

4. Fanny Bank


How it's actually described on the site: "This hilarious Fanny Bank will be a hit in your home or office or just about anywhere. A plumber named Manny is exposing his fanny, laughs at the tickle of a shiny new nickle. So just drop some loot to hear the fanny bank toot. The Fanny Bank is fun for the whole family." You know, maybe the humor is lost on me on account of never having been a teenage boy.

3. Shake Weight

Designed specifically for women (or not). Just sayin'.

2. Butler Toilet Set


It's so whimsical to crap in a butler's mouth!

1. Pootrap

The animal lovers in your family will love tying a plastic baggie to their pet's behind! Dogs don't know what dignity is, right? Of course not! I think the commercial speaks for itself.

Do you own any "as seen on TV" products? Did they actually work? Are they actually hilarious?


Sydnie said...

This is hilarious! I just don't understand how some people would be willing to purchase some of these items ...


amanda said...

How dare you besmirch the goodness of the Slanket? How. DARE. You.

Totally with you on the Shamwow, btw. It's ok? I mean, it's no more awesome than a regular towel. Vince, the amazing human megaphone who shills it, however, is a gift from God.

Luke said...

So I thought that the Strokemeister was just a very well made parody, but I looked for it on Youtube again, and lo and behold, the "Shake Weight for Men" ACTUALLY exists.

C'mon, man. The gay bodybuilding community doesn't need help. They're doing just fine on their own.

rubybastille said...

The Shamwow IS a piece of shit. It's felt and it doesn't do jack.

I actually have a (very tiny) soft spot in my heart for Vince, because I read somewhere that he got screwed over the one time he tried to make an actual movie, and now he's stuck being Shamwow Guy.

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