On Cottage Cheese

Something made me angry today. I was looking through the pictures in a Facebook group about fake, orange tans. Fake, orange tans are silly because they are fake. And because people are not, in their natural state, orange. I don't really have a problem with thinking super orange tans a little bit ridiculous. Should I have been looking at a snarky Facebook group? I suppose it's not the nicest thing to do. But let's just set that matter aside and focus on a single picture I saw and the comments that followed.

I came across one picture of a skantily-clad girl on a guy's lap in a club. It was tagged with the label "cottage cheese" at the girl's thighs.

One comment read "c-e-l-l-u-l-i-t-e!"

One woman said "disgusting...really!!"

There was a comment saying "ew bitch sorry but i don't have cottage cheese thighs and i am very much a woman in the world. you need to get a pair of pants real talk."

Another, "he must be in pain! ):" in what seems to be reference to the girl's sheer hugeness.

This is the picture in question:

here

I want you all to put aside the whole issue of tans and pants and what it is to be a "proper" woman for a moment.

I don't know about you, but when I look at this girl, I see a pretty thin young woman. Is she wearing panties instead of pants? Yes. But is she fat? No, she's not. She's sitting on someone and her thighs are pressed against other thighs and don't look perfectly smooth. I feel like that's pretty expected. Are they smooth thighs? I think so. These legs are a lot slimmer than my own. And honestly? I see about one little spot of cellulite, which is a thing that most women have at least a little bit of. And is this dude in pain? No, I don't really think so because I highly doubt this slender woman is crushing him.

When I see things like this, it really gets me thinking about the vicious circle that people get into when it comes to body image. We feel poorly about ourselves because we get picked on, or because someone just like us is getting picked on. So to bring ourselves up, we become even more judgmental of other people. We lash out, because it's the way we think things work, I guess.

If I can't be pretty, no one can.

So that girl's a fatass and that girl's grossly skinny and that girl has a pizza face and that girl is a total fucking slut.

I'm not one to get all confrontational but grow the hell up.

The snarky comments people make to your face or behind you back or on the internet are sad. They're sad because every little bit of hate being thrown your way is-- more likely than not-- a way for that person to release some of their own pain. Women that hate on other women are women who feel guilty about their own bodies. Misery loves company. These girls hate because they hate themselves and seeing someone that makes them think of that emotional suffering makes them angry, and so they attack. And then the women who are attacked learn to hate themselves in turn.

I want to say that the answer is to just let nasty words go in one ear and out the other, but I know how hard that is. That takes years and years of practice, and still some people will never be able to do it-- I don't know if I will. I know I love my body more than I have in the past, but I doubt I will ever be unafraid to drink soda in front of my mom without fearing she'll tell me I'm fat. I'm afraid of being told I'm fat. I know I'm not skinny and I know I am not exactly my own ideal, but I'm learning to love myself. Only with love will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin and be fully equipped to take the absolute best care of my body possible. I know that loving myself and really, truly not caring what anyone has to say about me is a long way off. I wish it was easy. But it's not, so it's not the answer for most people.

I think we are the problem and we are the solution.

We are constantly being seen, and thus constantly being judged. I think many of us are, at least in part, so afraid on being judged because we know we judge. We know we talk about other women behind their backs. We know we might raise an eyebrow when we see a girl we don't think looks good. We may even be the anonymous commenter on the internet writing horrible remarks about someone we've never met. Maybe if we didn't have to fear this kind of ruthlessness from our peers, we'd all love ourselves more. Maybe our society would be one where people wouldn't be afraid to be who they are, to wear what they want, to speak their minds if we put aside the snark for one damn minute and remembered:

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

EDIT: I looked back at the original photo just a moment ago and one comment caught my eye:

"What saddens me, is that this is what my body looks like.... and I didnt think it was to bad, until I read the comments...." 

What you say about other people, especially in a public forum, doesn't just hurt that individual. The girl who made this comment wasn't the one in the photo, yet seeing the girl in the photo bashed for her looks had an effect on her self-esteem. My heart broke a little.