Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Abercrombie: No Shoes, No Shirt, You're Hired!

My friends and I refer to "Abercrombie&Fitch" stores as "The Rave." On rare occasion, we have actually gone in for the sake of poking fun at how teensy and mostly-naked everything is. Our senses of smell and hearing were obliterated for a distinct period of time afterwards (true story: the boy's freshman-year roommate was a jock who doused himself with "Fierce" daily, and the room smelled exactly like the store most of the time. It was terrible). I have to admit, on one of those cynical trips I made an insane purchase of a $60 short-sleeved, empire-waisted, moose-emblazoned sweatery thingy top (technical terms here), and I love it. But that's the only time I swear please don't leave me for a blogger that hasn't bought things from Abercrombie!!! Other than that awesome top, I think most of Abercrombie's wares are laughable. The equation they use to make and price their women's clothes goes something like this:

Normal [Insert Women's Clothing Item Here] - As Much Fabric as Possible Before it is Technically an Undergarment= A Metric Shit-ton of Money.

Considering this and the fact that their clothes are rather... generic anyway, I don't really see the purpose to buying clothes here on a regular basis. I will be the first to admit that I probably could've found a cute shirt similar to the one I bought all those years ago for way less money. Furthermore, I don't see why you'd want to work there. Did I mention the hearing and smell loss? I think I did.

Well, Abercrombie wants you to work there anyway! They know exactly how to persuade you, too. Cue the cheesey, clubbin' video!

This is Abercrombie's recruiting video. I would embed it, but I figured for the real Abercrombie feel, you should go to the site.

NOTE: in case you were confused, "model," I believe, just means floor sales/cashier/etc. It's not an actual modeling gig in the infamously scandalous catalog. Of course, I'd prefer the staff at Abercrombie just stand there and leave me alone, because according to my experiences and some of friends, they have the absolute bitchiest customer service ever.

Back to the video.

Now, when I see bright, flashing lights and people dancing on indoor balconies to really bad music, I don't think employment opportunity. I think of possibly an employment opportunity my mom would murder me over, maybe, but mostly I think Girls Night Out. I know they're trying to make it seem fun, but it's still... folding clothes and working a cash register. Note how there is little-to-no interaction with customers shown. Oh, but there's lots of dancing with pretty people! On a balcony! Indoors! Where there is faux fine art displayed!

Oh, wait, I remember the dealing-with-the-customers portion of the video! There is a shirtless dude standing at the door giving away polaroids of himself. The Abercrombie at my mall is not big enough to have a half-naked White guy installed at the door (there are possibly two people who aren't White in the entire video), and I'm so glad. I can only imagine that guy going home to his mom and telling her about his new job.

"Mom, I got hired!"
"Oh, Brock, honey, that's wonderful! Where?"
"Well isn't that nice. So you're going to be a cashier?"
"Well... no. I'm going to be the guy who stands at the door looking superior and Aryan with his shirt off. I give away polaroids of myself, too. Sometimes I let teen girls pose with me, and I give them a polaroid of us together! When I'm on my break, I get to dance around the store. Maybe even shirtless. I bet they'd let me. 'Cause I'm hot."
"Someone call a paramedic!"

For once, I concur with MadTV.


Maverick Malone said...

LOL, this is hilarious.

I set foot in Abercrombie and Fitch just last year because my brother (Age 13 and at that social point in school wear Abercrombie and Hollister are everything) wanted to go in and pick out a christmas present for himself from me and it was not pleasing at all. The music is terrible. It's SO incredibly dark in there, too, isn't it? I don't see the appeal. They have large posters of hot male models. That's all they have. Honestly, you can get that at the beach...in which case, I'd rather go to the beach, because than I can be in the sun and avoid the rave music.
Cool post.

xox, mavi

Anonymous said...

Ha, oh dear.

I remember finding out that Abercrombie and Holister were roughly the same thing. I had very little knowledge of either, and when I found out, I felt the sudden need to TELL EVERYBODY.



amanda said...

"I'm going to be the guy who stands at the door looking superior and Aryan with his shirt off." = made me LOL hard! I used to frequent a mall that had not one, but TWO superior and Aryan half-naked men. It was especially hilarious in the winter, since they were allowed Santa hats, yet no shirts.

I haaaate A&F. Hate. Them. for the their employment policies. I knew a girl who had a rather debilitating eating disorder who was harassed at an A&F because they wanted her to be one of their "models". Apparently, so ill your hair is falling out and your hipbones are jutting out of your jeans is "in" at Abercrombie.

geisharock said...

HAHAHA. Agreed. I went into the store in NYC with my parents before I visited the London one and it was just a huge attack on the senses. My mum, who is used to quietly played classical music was shouting at the lift attendant "HOW CAN YOU HEAR IN HERE??? - she just smiled in a dazed fashion in reply. It's not as bad in London - the music is quieter and the store is bigger. But the place is so dark you can barely see anything and when I say the store is bigger, I mean the shelves are higher, meaning that you can only reach about 3 out of 15 shelves of clothes, lol. I asked one of the shop assistants whether the flip flops she was wearing were comfortable and she was like "errr... guhh.... ummm...". Thanks for the comment :) xoxo

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