Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Theory of Relativity


My boyfriend constantly reminds me that everyone sees bodies differently. The girls I would call "chubby" he calls "normal." The girls whose slender legs I envy, he considers unattractively thin. Sometimes when we have these conversations, I become very frustrated: not frustrated that we don't see eye to eye, but frustrated that what I feel I, as a woman in America today, have been taught is unquestionably right, might actually be wrong.

This goes both ways, though. While my boyfriend used to see Whiteness as essential to attractiveness, I have always found Black men to be more attractive. He thinks a six-pack is absolutely necessary, and I find them gross. He thinks his thin physique makes him less of a man, while I see a man with the ideal build. Men are taught, just like women, that a certain way to look is the right way to look. So am I wrong?

No matter what you think is attractive, there is someone who will disagree with it entirely, even if you look like the "ideal" man or woman. There are people who don't find anything sexy about the models and movie stars you think are perfect. And if you look one? There are people who won't find you sexy either. There are people who will think you're downright disgusting. But you know what? There are also people who will think you're the most amazing creature they've ever set eyes on.

There are people who think the ampleness of your butt, the roundness of your tummy, the gap in your teeth, the hair on your arms, the jiggle in your thighs are gross. There are people who will see all those things and say "those things are exactly what I look for in a man/woman-- marry me!" Seriously!

And this applies to everyone.

What makes a body attractive is different for every individual. This is why no one has to be anything they're not. Even if you think you're too fat, too thin, too muscular, too short, too tall, too whatever, there is someone who thinks that those things you hate most are exactly what make you so beautiful, so hot, that they can barely contain themselves.

8 comments:

Elaine said...

Great post. It's true! Everything's subjective.

clothedmuch.blogspot.com

Kelly said...

You could not be more right.

Mak said...

Thank you for writing that! Your words may be the best pre-Valentine's gift ever!

Megan said...

Great post and very true sometimes we just need to be reminded.

TehrenAnaiis said...

body image is obviously something im struggling with a lot at this moment.. too me i see different girls every day and my idea of beauty changes.. as for myself my anorexia has nothing to do with my body weight and shape or need to be thin.. but has to do with the feeling of being full. i have a friend whose 5"0 and 90 pounds who i think is gorgeous but then theres this girl in one of my lectures whose taller but pretty thick by normal standards but she carries herself well and is always dressed nice i think she gorgeous also.

i think media puts a lot of stress on girls but i also think we should be able to say.. "look these magazines are crazy unrealistic and i am gorgeous just the way i am" ...

until we all can do that just know that everyone in this world defines beauty differently so no matter what we look like somebody out there is going to find us beautiful =)

love your blog keep it up!

tehrenanaiis

Vanessa said...

TehrenAnaiis: I really, really love the comment you made. I totally agree that part of what needs to change is that we need to come to a place where we realize that what we see in the media is unrealistic and that doesn't mean we need to shape ourselves after it.

Kimbirdy said...

I'm so glad you're saying all of this! It's so true and more young girls need to hear it, not to mention all of us young women who don't believe it yet!

My bf always said he was a "stomach guy," which led me to believe he only liked flat stomachs, which mine is not. So I never let him touch me there. Finally he told me it wasn't "stomachs" he liked, it was MY stomach he liked! WHAT?! I was blown away. It never occurred to me that he had a different definition of what an attractive stomach meant to him!

Kitty said...

great post. of course there r different tastes & statements like "this is beauty/this is not" don't make sense.
btw, I am attracted to black men too ;)

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